church, Uncategorized

I am an act of rebellion

My short hair and red lips are more than simple physical attributes, they are acts of defiance against the programming that I received as the survivor of a backwoods apostolic cult.

We were taught many horrible things, but growing up male in that culture gave me the most amazing opportunity to gain a unique perspective.

We had some pretty strict rules concerning our women.

Women couldn’t wear pants, only skirts, maybe culottes if they were designed well enough that no one else could really tell that they were pants.

Women that wore pants were going to burn in hell for all eternity.

Women couldn’t wear makeup except for clear lipgloss because, again, no one could really tell that you were wearing it.

Women that wore makeup were “whores and sluts, praise the good lord, baby Jesus” dedicated to nothing more than deceiving and enticing our young men into a life of sin, making them ineligible to marry their cousins who were pure, because being fondled by daddy didn’t count.

Women couldn’t cut their hair, because “their hair was their glory” and thus had to be pulled super tight against their heads and hidden in a small bun at the crown of their head.

We all scorned the women who displeased God but trimming their split ends.

“Men that wanted to be women” were the worst.

Nothing was more depraved than the sex lives that we invented for them without ever having met or spoken to a transgender person.

We would obsess about those sex lives. I remember how our pastor would scream about it until his face was purple and he was soaked in sweat.

Later, I would wonder if that was the same way he looked while cheating on his wife with my married stepsister while her two kids were at school.

So today I present myself as an act of defiance to all of those who insist that I am not enough, that I can’t call myself a Christian.

I am going to continue my transition from male to female.

I am going to wear pants, not culottes, because culottes are gross.

I am going to cut my hair.

I am going to wear as much makeup as I want to, or none at all depending my my mood and the number of times I’ve hit the snooze button that day.

And you know what?

God is going to love me anyway, because God so loved me that they sent their only begotten son so that I would not perish, but have everlasting life.

Let your life be an act of rebellion.

It’s the quickest way to freedom.

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